A seemingly weird loner-type question?

Look, I'm not the hot stuff jock every girl wants. Just an average kid with false hopes. I don't really have friends. Those that say they are my friends just ignore me constantly. It's no wonder I feel I'm an nuisance to them. Suicide has been an open option for awhile yet honestly thinking it is diffrent from being able to pull yourself to do it.. Once it's done. There is no way to back out. Pretty shy and if you just saw me you would think I boring. But I seem pretty outgoing to the ppl have have gotten to know me. Yet i don't know what to do with myself? (pretty pitiful I realize).