Seeking relationship advice?

You don't. Or at least, you shouldn't. What you should do is go get help: first for the suicidal urges, and then for dealing with the issues that have you convinced that a guy who can't accept you as you are (including your beliefs) and who thinks you are somehow in the wrong for having taken him at his word that the two of you were done forever and tried to move on with your life is in any way, shape, or form good for you. I know you're unhappy, but from the sound of it, your ex is just another part of the problem, not the solution.